birobotic:

scientia-rex:

cherryseltzer:

piece of advice from an old tumblr person: if you are a woman and you are dating a man, do not settle down with, cohabitate with, or marry a man who needs you to do basic things to take care of him. like, if he can’t cook food for himself, go shopping, do laundry, clean a house, keep his own calendar, make his own doctors’ appointments, fill out his own forms, do his own taxes, etc. you are setting yourself up for a relationship full of you caring for another adult like a child.

partners help EACH OTHER. sometimes people have very valid reasons they can’t do those things, but they should also help YOU with things that are hard for you and easy for them, whether it’s basic emotional support, chores, paperwork, making phone calls, etc. if they say they ‘don’t know how’ to do something and expect you to do it instead of learning how to do it, they are not worth your time.

if your male partner’s parents did not prepare him to take care of himself, do not become his second mother. find a partner who can take care of you as much as you take care of him, and can take care of himself as well as you take care of yourself.

and if that means being single forever, get yourself a cat and lean in, because being a grown-ass man’s second momma is a bitch and a half. I’m married to a fairly fucking aware feminist-identified man and he still can’t take care of himself for shit and it is the one major source of tension in our marriage and it has led to so much tension now that I’m in med school that I have repeatedly seriously contemplated divorce. It’s not a small issue, it’s not trivial. You are a PERSON, not an endlessly nurturing selfless machine. You deserve to have your own story, not be picking up socks in someone else’s.

I feel like there’s not enough emphasis on this so I’m going to write it: specifically, there is NOTHING wrong with dating a guy who can’t do those things. Disabled people are NOT less desirable or valuable if they can’t do these things.

Just don’t date a guy who CAN do these things and chooses not to.

There is a lot in the wording of this post that makes it sound like the poor, poor woman who deigns to marry a disabled guy will suffer doing his housework for him, and that’s just not fucking cool.

who does what for who can differ depending on what’s easiest for who and even who likes to do what. don’t treat doing all the home work like it’s something bad to want or do. treat men who simply don’t WANT to do their fair share as bad.

please take disabled people into account when you write things.